your room smells of hookers.
And success
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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