Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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