True but thats because hes a fetus.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
