I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
