Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
