shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
