so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
