so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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