between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
