I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
