i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i think i have herpe
just one?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
