Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
