you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
