ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
