At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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