if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
