My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
