you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
When did we convert life to cartoon?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
