I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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