im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
