Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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