yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
