I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
