lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
