That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
