You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
