I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
