The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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