I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
