wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
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Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
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btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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