i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
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Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
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DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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