I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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