Kiss
Puke
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
