This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so let's talk penis.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Alive.
So much puke
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
