If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
