I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
