its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
