You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
