Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Come on in and take your pants off
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