I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
How external is "for external use only"?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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