i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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