And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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