I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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