Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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