sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
