when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
