a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
