I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
