3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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