i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
