Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
