theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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