apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
