Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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