so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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