she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
