Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
