Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
