1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
thus making me awesome and them whores
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
