i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
