Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
