well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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