i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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