you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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