Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
