Pappa wants mamma naked
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
