Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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