now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
