Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
