My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
