PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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