I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
This baby is an asshole
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
