If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
