sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
