just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
