My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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