I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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