omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
