I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
