i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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